Vol. 1, No. 7 — Are there any Germans in the room? Please kindly ask them to leave for the next few minutes. We are about to explore some hard truths about their society that they may not be prepared to face. Are they gone? OK, here goes.
Germans do not know how to stand in lines. I have asked a few German friends about this over the years and their eyes are only half-open to the magnitude of the problem. Nowhere is safe. All lines are fair game to devolve into a chaotic and angry mess.
There is nothing in German culture or society that tips their hand to this flaw. The towns and streets are neat and tidy. People are courteous. There is an order to and reason for everything. It is very nice to live in Germany and interact with Germans. That is until you need to form or wait in a line. Then all bets are off.
A daily example from my time there is the bus stop. The bus stop is surrounded by a loose crowd at all times depending on the route. There are several destinations served by the stop so you need to wait until the correct bus arrives to form a line. Everyone knows exactly where the bus door will open because it’s marked clearly on the sidewalk. The drivers pull up to that spot and open the door. When your bus arrives, the chaos begins.
Everyone wanting to board this bus immediately gets as close to the “door open” marker as possible. There is some naive shortest-distance-between-two-points logic going on and everyone smushes into a ball right at the door. Elbows are surgically extended and positions lost or gained in a slow, passive-aggressive ballet. Once in a while, someone goes a bit too far and the recipient emits a disapproving grunt. This is usually countered with a rollercoaster eye roll and everyone carries on.
The bus has plenty of room. There is one every 12 minutes on this route. This is simply how Germans board a bus. Every bus.
Maybe the bus stop is just too chaotic to begin with. What about a scenario that already has a clearly established line? Spoiler alert: it’s exactly 0% better.
At the grocery store, there is always at least one checking lane open. This goes off without a hitch if you stand close enough to the person in front of you. Don’t leave more than an arm’s length though. This will inevitably attract someone who will casually stroll up alongside you with a few groceries in their hands. If you don’t move forward in lockstep with the group, they will merge into the line in front of you.
If you bring this to their attention, they will do one of two things: 1) acknowledge they made a small mistake but nod their head at their couple of items and shrug to indicate this is not a big problem, or 2) be aghast at their mistake and look around a bit too cartoonishly to find the mystical end of the line.
What happens if a second checker opens a lane? Hold on to your hat. Surviving this situation requires some deft footwork and situational awareness. Line etiquette would have you believe that “first come, first served” still holds, but your disillusionment will arrive swiftly as someone from the end of the line sprints over to the new checker, followed quickly by a random shake of bold shoppers, all falling into the new line.
Your best bet in this scenario is to move to Spain. Here they have no such problems managing lines. Scowls are at the ready for anyone trying these tactics, and no one is afraid to bring infractions to everyone’s attention.
I can’t think of a better example of a stereotype that fails so miserably as with behavior in lines in Spain vs Germany. Reality is exactly the opposite of what you would expect.
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