Vol. 1, No. 5 — I really enjoy going to the movies. It’s taken a dip over the past year for obvious reasons1 but catching a flick in a nice theater has been a steady pastime.
While most of the experience will be familiar to any moviegoer back home, there are still some European surprises in store. The most glaring of these is the language spoken on screen. The school I went to in Germany was located in a town that wasn’t quite big enough to have an “original language” screening available, so all movies were shown with German audio.
After a few months of German immersion, my roommates and I finally decided it wouldn’t be a complete waste of time to try a visit. We strolled up to the ticket window and the person working asked us where we’d like to sit. Everyone else took the question in stride but I, the lone American, was pleasantly surprised. We get to choose where we sit without trying to hustle in? Nice.
This is now catching on in the US, but at the time, reserving a seat was new to me. Nearly all theaters in Europe work this way. You order your ticket online and pick a seat. Show up right before, snag your snacks, and stroll to your spot.
The concessions stand was next. As Vincent Vega let us all know in Pulp Fiction - yes, you can buy a glass of beer or wine at theaters in Europe. And this being Germany, the selection rivaled the neighborhood bar.
That aside, it looked like the standard fare of popcorn, nachos, chocolate, candy, etc. However, the sizes on offer could only be described as “oh, isn’t that cute.” The largest of anything there would probably land between a small and medium in South Dakota. I ordered a popcorn and a pop. Alas, there wasn’t a butter dealer to complete the combo, but such is life.
We found our spots and sat through a handful of commercials and a couple of trailers. These were in a mix of English and German. I guess not everything is worth translating for everyone.
The pre-show came to a close and the screen went black. Then… the house lights came back up and we all looked at each other confused. A theater employee lumbered in wearing a sandwich board full of logos and carrying a big cooler. He called loudly (but not confidently) into the room, “Does anyone want ice cream?” He did not sound thrilled about having to do this.
Slowly but surely, people started raising their hands, waving €5 bills to flag him down. For the next ten minutes, we’re stuck watching the Germans get their fix. Little known fact: they have a serious problem with ice cream addiction. The employee left and the lights went back down. All movie-going momentum had been lost.
The fanfare started to play, and we dug into our snacks. The “Cola Light” (aka Diet Coke) is fine. I grab a few handfuls of my popcorn, each slower than the last, and then stare sadly at the screen. The popcorn isn’t salty. It’s sugary. It’s not even caramel corn. It’s just bland popcorn freshly prepared about a week ago with some sugar tossed on it.
I learned later that to order “American popcorn” I would have to ask for salty popcorn. They might not have any, but that’s how I should ask for it.
Although it happened in Thailand and not in Europe, I would be remiss not to mention the single strangest experience I’ve had in a movie theater. Right before the film was about to start, a rousing march began to play. Video clips and photos of the king filled the screen. The entire audience stood up and saluted the screen for the duration. Many sang along.
It ended. They sat down. The Wolverine played and rolled credits. The anthem ended up being the best part.
Midwestern Europe: Volume 1 with the first 52 entries in this series is available now on Amazon US, Spain, and Germany in hardcover, paperback, and Kindle formats!
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To those of you reading this in 2075: there was a global pandemic that started in March 2020 and lasted for several years. It was not fun.
Dude, you're a legend. Instantly transported whenever I read these!